My Story of drug addiction
This is my story of addiction. I have struggled with addiction in many forms my whole adult life until I asked for help in 2011.
I was addicted to substances without even realizing it. Looking back my story of addiction encompassed sex and love addiction, eating disorder (anorexia) and obsessions that were unhealthy.
I was exhausted, burned out, confused, and suffering from blackouts that lasted as long as two days.
My story of addiction feels shameful, but I know that sharing my truth can help another person who was addicted the way I was. The truth is that I was abusing substances (alcohol, sleeping pills, and street drugs) to comfort and soothe myself.
Fact: The opposite was happening. I was driving around drunk and under the influence of alcohol. I was taking pills to “help me fall asleep”, taking stimulants to “help me wake up”, so my days were washing over me in a blurry, nightmarish tidal wave of chemicals.
My Story, Bad Habits
I was caught in a bad habit. I was helplessly addicted to alcohol and sleeping pills, and street drugs, and I “couldn’t not use or drink”.
I promise you, I really did try to stop drinking. My husband and I went “dry” for a couple of months, but then I’d capitulate and persuade him to buy a bottle of wine with dinner.
With that came the next, more intense wave of drinking. And with that came abusing prescription drugs for anxiety (which was alcohol induced – the toxic cycle all over again)
My Story, angry alcoholic
I was relying on chemicals to make me feel. Feel relaxed, feel sleepy, feel happy, feel energized, feel numb.
I’d drink when I was angry, thinking it would relax me. It didn’t. Drinking when I was angry was like pouring petrol on an open flame. My anger escalated, and I lost all control while in an alcohol-fuelled rage.
I’d break things, scream, cry, but I never once felt better. The absolute worst part for me was that I would blackout. Blackouts are a “real thing”.
When a chemically dependent person (an addict or alcoholic) drink excessively and take pills, two things happen.
- They lose all their inhibitions, they have no filters, and no control.
- The second thing that happens is the memory isn’t there, the person loses time, meaning they couldn’t remember what had happened even if the wanted to.
My Story, blackouts from alcohol abuse
When I’d come around or wake up from a blackout, it was confusing and scary because people would say things like, “Do you remember what you did last night?”
Or “Are you okay this morning, you were out of it last night”
Well, I didn’t remember and I would cringe when they told me how I behaved. Then, there were photos of me, I looked wild-eyed and manic. I was blind drunk and I couldn’t remember any of it. Honestly.
My Story, if I can clean up you can too
If you relate to this in any way, you may also be an alcoholic. If you know someone who is struggling, I can help you through our Family Support Counseling Zoom meeting . You’ll know that you can’t carry on abusing substances when you’re “sick and tired of being sick and tired.”
I have experienced what you’re going through, and there is a way back to living without drinking, (even drinking in moderation if that’s what your goal is).
You’re at the right place. Book a session with me, let’s get you back to good health.
If I can do it, you can too! Don’t delay, reach out for help today. My motto is “If you see it, say it!” You just may save a life.
Colleen
